Cultivating family forests

Recently I went to a church dedication ceremony for twirl girls with three sets of grandparents! It was a joyous celebration and the cup of love and support was overflowing.

I came as a friend of the grandparents whose daughter gave birth to the twins. Another family welcomed the infants into their lives through adoption, as they have with one of their other children. The parents have a broad vision of family and are committed to including the families of their adoptive children in their circle of love.

This reminded me of how my own parents kept unofficially expanding our family circle. Each of their 12 children could bring friends home for a meal, a sleep-over, a party and for some, a refuge when things were rocky elsewhere.

I remember coming home late one night from university studies and counted 22 people sleeping in our house. I can't remember who first claimed the title, but one of these friends began calling herself or himself the "13th child" and soon the friends of each sibling adopted that title, too.

We've never stopped to count how many "thirteenth children" there are, but, they-are multitudinous.

All of us are adults now and the strength of the family circle we experienced as children and youth continues to enrich our lives. Many of the thirteenth children still connect with my mother in one way or another. For one, it's a yearly breakfast date. For another, it's bringing his family along to our annual Christmas caroling event. For others, it's welcoming my mother into their homes wherever they may be living now and ensuring that their children know another Gramma. It seems like our family tree is more like a family forest.

Family experiences can be a great source of love and strength and also a source of pain, struggle and alienation. What can help in the rough times is to have a safe place to shelter for a while, or people with whom you feel safe to share those rough moments. Families can create refuge for others who feel as if they are alone in the world. We can create new expressions of family and include others who are searching for that sense of home and belonging.

For several years in our family life, my parents organized an open house on Holy Family Sunday, the Sunday between Christmas and New Year. (When Christmas and New Year fall on a Sunday, as in this year, then Dec. 30 is set aside.) On the Catholic liturgical calendar, this feast day marks the story of the flight into Egypt when Joseph and Mary had to leave their homeland to save Jesus from Herod's slaughter of the innocents.

The biblical verses don't reveal how they were welcomed in Egypt after their perilous flight, nor do we get a glimpse of their life in exile. We can only hope that there were some kind people who sheltered them along the way and helped them find refuge for a while.

I'm thankful for all those families, in all their diversity, who share their love beyond their immediate circle. I'm thankful for families who encourage their children to grow with a sense of connectedness to others in their immediate community and to the those in the big, global community.

Kate Quinn writes from Edmonton.

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