Sinking the cruise myths - Cruise News

When I show up at a party sporting a healthy glow and a happy attitude, people often ask me where I got my tan. "On my last cruise," I reply, and watch their faces screw up in scorn.

"Oh, I could never go on a cruise," they scoff. "Have you ever been on one?" I query, knowing very well what the answer is. They retort, of course, that they've never been on a cruise liner and have no intention of ever doing so.

I'm always amazed at people who dismiss an idea without knowing what they're talking about. But then again, I don't understand how some of our politicians and corporate executives operate either.

There are lots of reasons for going on a cruise, and very few excuses not to like them, so I patiently spend a few minutes rebutting each of their misguided arguments against cruising. Since you're reading these reasons in Cruise Travel, I'm probably preaching to the choir, but maybe these rebuttals will enliven your next cocktail party and give you some sparkling repartee with some uneducated but opinionated people.

When ranting against a cruise, people toss out lines like the opening pitch at a baseball game. Unfortunately, they're just not suited up to play. Here are some common curves and screwballs:

There's not enough to do; I'd be totally bored. Many people get their concepts of a cruise from reruns of that famous old television series. They don't realize most ships today have more going on than the biggest, most lavish resorts: bars, lounges, cabarets, showrooms, discos, casinos, games, parties, pizzerias, cafes, internet centers, shops, salons, spas, gyms, swimming pools, golf facilities--even rock-climbing walls or ice-skating rinks. Experienced cruisers know the problem is not finding something to do but deciding what to bypass because there are so many things to do.

There's so much food available; I'd gain too much weight. Standing in line at the HomeStyle Buffet and eating everything possible for $7.99 is the way to gain weight; eating finely prepared gourmet food is not. The absurd complaint about a bad restaurant is: "The food was terrible, and the portions were so small!" How many people eat at Alice Waters's Chez Panisse and complain of gaining weight? Go on a cruise, enjoy the cuisine, eat what you want, but don't blame the cruise line because the food is too plentiful, the ingredients are of too high a quality, the preparation is too skillful, and you feel you have to eat seven meals a day to get your money's worth.

If you have bad weather, your vacation is ruined. Well, okay, bad weather can put a damper on any vacation (pardon the pun). But at least if a hurricane is coming, the captain can steer the ship out of its path, as opposed to you being stuck in a rickety hotel in a tropical storm path. Worse, try sitting in the lobby of a second-class resort for a week while the rain pours down every day, eating in the one mediocre restaurant while listening to the strains of the same anemic mariachi band every night.

You don't get to stay in any one place very long, so you really don't get to know the place. True, you're only in most ports for a day, and you can't see everything in one day. On the other hand, you can see enough of an island or location to decide if you want to come back (or avoid it in the future), and then you're on to another port.

I don't want to sit with a bunch of strangers every night at dinner. I'll stop short of calling this an antisocial attitude (although the dictionary, in fact, defines antisocial as "averse to the society of others"), but the cruise lines have provided dining experiences for passengers who prefer not to exchange words, smiles, or the salt-shaker with other diners. Fancy alternative restaurants abound; self-serve buffets and room service are available up to 24 hours a day; casual dining venues are another option; tables for two are increasing; and single-seating, or open-seating, dining is the hallmark of many lines. Misanthropes never again have to ask another passenger, "So, where are you from?"

We're looking for a family vacation, not just a romantic getaway for the two of us. It's hard to find a better vacation--or a better vacation value--than a cruise ship. The kids are contained in a finite area, and most cruise lines provide such a fun program that parents can dine with the kids then enjoy themselves alone while the kids are safely supervised in an adventurous environment. There's no hassle about finding a decent restaurant, no fear of not finding something to do at night, no dipping into the pocketbook every few minutes--everyone can do what he or she wants, either together or in smaller groups, in safe, controlled surroundings.

I'm afraid I'll get seasick. This is always a possibility, as is the possibility of getting carsick or airsick. But today's ships are often such behemoth megaliners with such effective stabilizers that veteran cruisers are crestfallen to find they no longer are rocked to sleep by the gentle motion of the ocean. Many fearful cruisers stock up on patches, pills, and wristbands, only to be disappointed that they never have the opportunity to use them. (A quick hint: I've been told that the quinine in a gin-and-tonic cocktail is effective against queasiness; it's also a good excuse to start cocktail hour at 10 a.m.)

Cruising is just a bunch of old people. This probably came from the same guy that didn't want to dine with anyone else. The reality is that the age of the average cruiser is decreasing. Shorter cruises, lower prices, more new ships, and more berths make cruising accessible to those other than the elderly wealthy. True, some cruise lines and itineraries tend to attract older crowds--a struggling young couple would be hard-pressed to afford an ultraluxe line, and a family usually can't take 54 days off for a world tour, so long trips and upscale lines may not be best for those people. A competent travel agent is familiar with each line and can steer potential cruisers to a ship that suits their needs. As a quick aside, you might find that older people, in general, are better conversationalists, with more interesting stories, than your younger slackers; they also have better manners and are more considerate, and I'll just leave it at that.

On the other hand, when people condescendingly dismiss cruising as "not their type of vacation," you might want to enigmatically smile and wholeheartedly agree with them. In the first place, who wants people like that on the same ship as you? And in the second place, it just leaves more room for you and me.

COPYRIGHT 2003 World Publishing, Co. (Illinois)
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group