Peggy's words

I have just read [Peggy O'Mara's] editorial, "Mothers and Fathers," in the March-April 2005 issue. I thought it was, as is the case with anything of yours I have read over the years, very good.

Our little girl, now nearly 28 months old, is still on the breast, and this gladdens my heart because it's where I think she should be. But it can sometimes be tough when you are on the outside of that very exclusive relationship: "Mama is better" is something I hear often. There have been many times when I've felt my role is little more than some combination of packhorse and domestic helper. The lure of the traditional role of father has been, sometimes, compelling. Equally compelling, I think, is the need to change that role. So I've stayed the course, hoping that one day doing so will bear fruit for both my daughter and me. My wife will say that it bears fruit every day, even now.

DAVID McDONALD

Carlton North, Victoria

Australia

Peggy's description of the transition a couple goes through when they enter parenthood rang true for me. My husband deeply looked forward to having children. So I think it was quite a shock to his (and my) system when our babies had such intense needs for their mother and breastfeeding. But he handled this time with much grace and played a very vital role in supporting me. As our babies grew, he was the one who first taught them that love does not exclusively come from the breast and food. His relationship with our children as father, teacher, and role model makes me fall in love with him much more than I was on the day I married him.

LAUREL FRANCZEK

Madison, Wisconsin

I'm baffled by your editorial. I don't remember my daughter preferring me over my husband in her infancy. Neither does he. We primarily fed her with formula, since a breast reduction left me with a low milk supply. We thought our nighttime arrangements were pretty simple: your turn, my turn. I don't see that the nurture/play bonding division happened, either. We both play with her, make her meals, bathe her, put her to bed. It's never looked to me as if she regarded him as Mr. Sidelines, or as if he felt tentative about her.

AMY KNIGHT

Iowa City, Iowa

I was angered, saddened, and disappointed by Peggy O'Mara's letter this issue. I breastfeed my daughter, now 13 months, and stay at home with her. Yet from the beginning, my husband has done as much of the work of parenting as possible, including rocking her to sleep every night and taking many midnight shifts. He is not a mere "playmate" or a distant "gateway to the world." Their relationship is nurturing and intimate; he feeds her, diapers her, and holds her when she cries. I am deeply happy and proud that my daughter adores her "Dada" and truly does not prefer one of us over the other. In fact, she said "Dada" several months before she said "Mama."

CAROL CHURCH

Gainesville, Florida

I came away from Peggy O'Mara's "A Lantern for Lord" (January-February 2005) particularly inspired. I do see my mothering as a political act. Because most of my days don't leave time for activism or writing or any consideration of the world beyond play group, naptime, and the next dinosaur adventure, I was affirmed when I read, "Your mothering is enough." And I believe it is, particularly when I am willing to face the roots of my own violence--my desire for power, patterns from my childhood, greediness--and then consciously choose to parent my beloved children more compassionately and nonviolently.

My mothering is enough, and yet I want to do more. After reading Peggy's reference to a "motherhood movement," I became very curious. I had no idea such a thing existed. I got on-line and discovered the "Call to a Motherhood Movement," a statement issued by the Mothers' Council, a group affiliated with the Motherhood Project (www.watchoutforchildren.org/html/ call to a motherhood_movement.html). I was so inspired by it that I e-mailed it to all the women and mamas I know. Together, I think morns can become a powerful force.

CELESTE FROEHLICH

El Paso, Texas

COPYRIGHT 2005 Mothering Magazine
COPYRIGHT 2005 Gale Group