Girls to Women : Negative body image is a major factor behind tobacco use and substance abuse, both of which are rising among girls

We live in a culture that accepts - even endorses - violence against women; females are turned into objects and young girls are sexualized to sell products and services. And these media-dictated standards of beauty are truly hazardous to our daughters' health. Pediatrics magazine published a nationwide study in 1999 conducted by Harvard University, the University of Virginia Medical School, and Boston's Brigham and Women's Hospital.1 This survey, of fifth- to 12th-grade girls, revealed some truly alarming statistics. Fifty-nine percent of the girls stated dissatisfaction with their bodies, and although only 29 percent of them fit the standard medical definition of overweight, 66 percent wanted to lose weight. Most disturbing of all was the fact that 47 percent of the girls surveyed said looking at pictures in fashion magazines made them want to lose weight now, and 69 percent claimed those pictures influenced what they consider to be their ideal body. Thirty years ago the average fashion model weighed about 8 percent less than the average American woman. Now she weighs 23 percent less.

Now, I may be "just a guy" - but I also happen to be a father, and so these cultural messages matter to me. They matter because negative body image is a major factor behind tobacco use and substance abuse, both of which are rising among girls. They matter because one-third of nine- year-old girls in this country - an age when body fat is required for normal development to occur - worry about dieting. And they matter to me because a society that does not respect girls and women ultimately doesn't respect boys and men, either. I founded Dads and Daughters to help fathers confront and do something about the societal factors that make them fearful for their daughters. Our challenge is to inoculate our daughters - and, for that matter, our sons - against a toxic culture. Our hope lies in the actual, concrete, achievable things that fathers can do. Here are a few ways to start.

Listen to your daughter. Focus on what she believes, thinks, feels, dreams, and does - not how she looks. Fathers wield a profound influence on their daughters' self-image.

Valuing your daughter for her true self helps her be herself.

Encourage her strength, celebrate her savvy. Help her learn to recognize, resist, and overcome physical and societal obstacles to achieving her goals. Nurture and rejoice in her strengths; make sure she knows you see her as a whole person, capable of anything.

Discourage dieting. Dieting increases the risk of eating disorders and a lifelong obsession with looks. Avoid making negative comments about her body, and gently discourage her from doing the same. Growing girls need to eat often and healthy!

Nurture her values. If you treat your daughter and the people she likes and loves with respect, you will help nurture her ability to choose a life partner who values and respects her.

Get active with her. Play catch, tag, or jump rope. Shoot some hoops or throw a Frisbee together. Teach her soccer or hockey - or just take walks together. All these will help her discover and relish in the great things her body can do. Girls whose fathers exercise with them are the most likely to be physically active - and physically active girls are less likely to get pregnant, drop out of school, or put up with an abusive partner. Exercise is a great investment for both of you.

Get involved in her education. Volunteer at the school or chaperone an event. Challenge the school's administrators. Does the school provide an eating disorder prevention or body image awareness program? How does it handle sexual harassment of girls or boys? Ask if girls are equally represented in advanced math and science classes, and if not, find out why. Are at least half of the student leaders girls?

Get involved in her activities. Volunteer to drive, coach, direct a play, teach a class - anything! Demand equality. Texas mortgage officer and volunteer basketball coach Dave Chapman was so appalled by the inferiority of the gym his nine-year-old daughter's team had to use he successfully fought to open the more modern boys' facility to the girls' team. You can make a difference!

Take your daughter to work with you. Encourage your workplace to participate in Take Our Daughters to Work(r) Day in April. Let your daughter see how you contribute to the family's income. Introduce her to the world of work and finances - she will, after all, have a job herself someday.

Help make the world better for girls (and boys, too!). Next time you see an image of a girl or woman in the media imagine that it's your daughter being portrayed. If the idea makes your blood boil, stand up to advertisers who feed on our daughters' insecurities: write or call them, or boycott their products. Don't forget this cultural bombardment harms our sons as well. Being told that a girl's body is the most important thing in a relationship does boys an incredible disservice. Helping girls isn't a zero-sum game.

Join forces with other fathers. You can learn a lot from other dads who are committed to their daughters. PTAs or organizations like Dads and Daughters can provide tools to strengthen your relationship with your daughter and to help her override negative societal and media messages. Yes, it's hard for guys to talk to each other about this stuff, but our daughters are worth it.

If you are a father or someone else who cares about a young girl, you probably recognize that encouraging and influencing our daughters is an incredible obligation. But it is also an incredible opportunity.

Notes

1. Field, Alison E. et al, "Exposure to the Mass Media and Weight Concerns Among Girls," Pediatrics (March, 1999): 103.

For More Information

Bassoff, Evelyn, PhD. Cherishing Our Daughters: How Parents Can Raise Girls to Become Confident Women. Plume, 1999.

Ben Jelloun, Tahar. Racism Explained to My Daughter. The New Press, 1999.

Dee, Catherine, ed. The Girls' Book of Wisdom: Empowering, Inspirational Quotes from Over 400 Fabulous Females. Little, Brown and Company, 1999.

Edut, Ophira, ed. Adios, Barbie: Young Women Write about Body Image and Identity. Seal Press, 1998.

Elium, Jeanne, and Don Elium. Raising a Daughter: Parents and the Awakening of a Healthy Woman. Celestial Arts, 1994.

Glennon, Will. 200 Ways to Raise a Girl's Self-Esteem: An Indispensable Guide for Parents, Teachers, and Other Concerned Caregivers. Conari Press, 1999.

Harrison, Sabrina Ward. Spilling Open: The Art of Becoming Yourself. New World Library, 1999.

Jones, Constance. 1001 Things Everyone Should Know about Women's History. Doubleday, 1998.

Kilbourne, Jean. Deadly Persuasion: Why Women and Girls Must Fight the Addictive Power of Advertising. The Free Press, 1999.

Kindlon, Dan, PhD. Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys. The Ballantine Publishing Group, 1999.

Kivel, Paul. Boys Will Be Men: Raising Our Sons for Courage, Caring and Community. New Society Publishers, 1999.

Littman, Barbara. Everyday Ways to Raise Smart, Strong, Confident Girls: Successful Teens Tell Us What Works. St. Martin's Griffin, 1999.

Milholland, Charlotte. The Girl Pages: A Handbook of the Best Resources for Strong, Confident, Creative Girls. Hyperion, 1998.

New Moon: Money - How to Get It, Spend It, and Save It. Crown Publishers, Inc., 2000.

New Moon: Writing - How to Express Yourself with Passion and Practice. Crown Publishers, Inc., 2000.

Silverstein, Olga, and Beth Rashbaum. The Courage to Raise Good Men. Penguin Books, 1994.

Singer, Marilyn, ed. Stay True: Short Stories for Strong Girls. Scholastic Inc., 1998.

Joe Kelly is father to twin 19-year-old daughters and executive director of Dads and Daughters, a national nonprofit membership organization of fathers with daughters, based in Duluth, Minnesota. He is also founder and former editor of New Moon Network: For Adults Who Care about Girls.

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