Straight From Their Heart - how to encourage altruism in children - Brief Article

Raising compassionate children is no small feat. Here's how you can foster a giving spirit

ASHLEY PATTERSON IS A TYPICAL 12-year-old: She hangs with her girlfriends, talks nonstop on the phone and plays video games. But what distinguishes this sixth grader is that she gladly gives up free time to do for others.

For the past three spring breaks and throughout the year, Ashley has conducted an hour-long peer-counseling workshop at the Boys & Girls Clubs in her Hobe Sound, Florida, community. Every Wednesday, she talks with more than a dozen kids 7 to 9 years old about everything from drugs to MDS. Then she heads to the Smart Moves Peer Leader Corps meeting, where she and other youth plan weekly community-service activities like visiting nursing homes.

Why does she volunteer? "I was born to help people," Ashley says. "When I learn something new [through volunteering] or help someone, it makes me feel like I've mastered something. To me, helping is fun."

According to Independent Sector, a Washington, D.C., organization that tracks volunteerism, Ashley may be on the road to a lifetime of goodwill. More than one third of the 1,000 teens surveyed in 1996 began volunteering before age 12--a sign that charity often becomes a lifelong habit when children are exposed to it at an early age. And according to experts, programs like Jack and Jill of America, Inc., and the Gift Scouts of the USA are prime places to help your child develop civic-mindedness.

Getting kids involved in worthy causes also helps them develop empathy by giving them a sense of respect for others, says Ronald Austin Wells, Ph.D., author of The Honor of Giving: Philanthropy in Native America (Indiana University Center on Philanthropy, $12.50). He says, however, that the child's attitude while participating is key: "Some kids will feel empathetic working at a food kitchen on a holiday; others will feel repulsed. Parents must find a way to relate their child's sense of self to those he or she is helping; this will ensure that the spirit of the activity is internalized and the good deeds come from the heart."

Mylo Carbia-Puig, director of health and life skills for the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, offers the following pointers designed to spark altruism in your child:

* Develop her interest in social issues. Take your youngster to the library and encourage her to read books about such issues as saving the environment, the educational needs of kids around the world or the fight against animal abuse. Invite her to join you in watching TV documentaries that highlight these topics. Also, instead of sheltering your child from the suffering you may see in your own community, discuss the issues involved and share your compassionate thoughts while brain-storming about how your family could help. For more ideas, check out Teaching Your Kids to Care: How to Discover and Develop the Spirit of Charity in Your Children (Carol Publishing Group, $9.95) by Deborah Spaide.

* Give your child freedom of choice. Now that he's been exposed to a variety of social issues, allow your youngster to choose a favorite cause. Suggest that he set aside part of his allowance to donate to his organization of choice. Your child will be more apt to give back to society throughout his lifetime if he genuinely feels connected to the issue and has a personal interest in those who benefit from his efforts.

* Make empathy understandable. Early on, encourage your youngster to put herself in another child's shoes to gain a deeper perspective. For example, if your daughter has a difficult time understanding why her sick brother is receiving new toys from friends and relatives, suggest she pretend for the moment that she is sick and ask her to explore her feelings in response to the get-well gifts. You may want to pick up a copy of Parents, Kids & Character: 21 Strategies to Help Your Child Develop Good Character (Character Development Publishing, $15.95) by Dr. Helen R. LeGette for more suggestions.

* Encourage participation in volunteer opportunities. Programs within schools, churches and youth-serving organizations are great avenues for young people to give back to their communities. Youth-run recycling campaigns, peer-led drug-abuse-prevention and tutoring programs, and school race-relations task forces are just a few examples of outstanding volunteer opportunities for kids.

Make sure your child understands why she's helping out so she can truly embrace the spirit of her actions. "Most kids are really concerned about things that aren't fair--they have a sense of justice," says Jane Levine, Ed.D., cofounder of Kids Can Make a Difference, a Maine organization that gets youngsters involved in the fight against poverty and hunger. "It's empowering for them to understand they really can make a change."

* Set an example by being part of the solution, too. As a family, make a commitment to volunteer for a variety of causes on a regular basis. Neighborhood cleanups, pet-adoption campaigns for animal shelters, collection projects for local food banks and social events for elderly or developmentally disabled people are some examples of projects your family will have fun doing while helping others. Contact the Kids Care Family Service Network at (203) 972-6601 for information on getting your family involved in programs on a national level.

HOW TO GET INVOLVED

The following organizations--many of them national--are great places to get your child in the spirit of giving: Boys & Girls Clubs of America, (800) 854-CLUB; Boy Scouts of America, (972) 580-2000; Girl Scouts of the USA, (800) 223-0624; Kids Can Make a Difference, (207) 439-9588; Do Something, www.dosome thing.org; The Big Help, www.nick.com; Jack and Jill of America, Inc., E-mail, JNJINC1938@aol.com.

Paula M. White is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles with her sons, Keythe, 5, and Blake, 2.

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