Baby gobbles everything in sight

Question: My 10-month-old grandson seems to be a compulsive eater. Every time he sees someone eating, it triggers a need to eat -- even though he may have just been fed. He creates a terrible fuss if he doesn't get the food. Other than this demand for food, he seems to be a normal, happy baby. -- G.B., via e-mail

Answer: We would certainly recommend setting up regular mealtimes for this child -- with no grazing in between. Obesity could loom otherwise. His pediatrician or nurse practitioner can identify whether he's gaining weight too fast or is having to eat excessively just to maintain his weight and stamina. If his growth is on track, it will be easier to downplay your reactions.

Meanwhile, he is acquiring two new motor capacities: (1) He is beginning to use a pincer grasp, which helps him feed himself bits of food. He may love that. (2) He is probably crawling and may be standing and about to walk. Many children his age are ready to go, but they can't yet. This creates frustration and even boredom that could easily be expressed as a compulsion to eat.

Have his pediatrician check to be sure there is not a physical problem, such as diabetes. If there is no abnormality, this fixation on food will probably pass when he can walk.

Question: About 8 months ago, my 4-year-old son and 9-year-old stepdaughter were upstairs playing. When they came down, I asked my son what they were playing. He said: "Mommy and Daddy." My stepdaughter immediately said: "No, I was playing with my dollhouse." Later, when I asked my son how they were playing "Mommy and Daddy," he lay down and said she was on top of him moving up and down. We had a serious talk with her and asked her where she got that from. She said television.

Recently, I took my son to play with my aunt's two boys, who are 5 and 6. When I went to see what they were doing, the 5-year-old had his pants down, the 6-year-old was just sitting there, and my son had his pants a little down. I asked my son why he did that and he said the 5-year-old told him to. Today, when I picked him up from day care, the owner told me that at naptime, a teacher saw my son and another little boy touching each other between the legs. I don't know how to handle this. -- No Name via e-mail

Answer: Children often play "doctor" at ages 4 and 5.

Exploration to find out about differences -- touching, showing, looking, wondering -- is part of learning about oneself. It's usually not a cause for concern when the exploration occurs between children of similar ages, when each child is a willing participant, when the interaction is limited to touching and showing, and when such activities do not become a major focus.

When there is a difference of several years in the ages of children involved, or when the behavior is more adultlike, there may be other reasons: overstimulation due to exposure to sexual content on television or in other media, witnessing of adult sexual acts or even sexual molestation. We worry about the 9-year-old and the kind of adult behavior she may have seen on television. Her mother might want to explore this gently with her.

Symptoms that may be associated with sexual molestation include sleep disturbances, renewed bedwetting, fear of getting undressed, using the bathroom or taking a bath, fear of going to bed, and preoccupation with sexual talk and behaviors. When there is a concern about sexual molestation, mental-health professionals specializing in this area can help.

Questions or comments should be addressed to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton and Dr. Joshua Sparrow, care of The New York Times Syndication Sales Corp., 122 E. 42nd St., New York, N.Y. 10168. Questions may also be sent by e-mail to: nytsyn- families@nytimes.com.

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