Everything I need to know about edbusfotainment, I learned from my kid

AS THE WORLD'S NUMBER ONE BUSINESS GURU, I am, of course, a remarkably prescient predictor of business trends. Unlike most prognosticators, who achieve about a .190 batting average when it comes to accurately predicting what will happen more than 12 minutes out, I have an uncanny ability to look into the business future and convince people that what I envision is sure to come true. And what I see in tomorrow's workplace is young people. That is to say, kids.

Yes, I predict that, in the not-terribly-distant future, corporations will take over public education. No longer will we have the separation of corporation and education that has limited us for so long; work and learning will be combined in what I intend to call Integrated Lifelong Learning and Employment Centers, Inc. (copyright pending). Imagine. Gleaming, state-ofthe-art physical facilities will house the classroom and the cubicle. Teachers will double as managers, and managers will substitute as teachers. Students will be employees of the corporation, and employees will be treated like students. Parents will be encouraged to be shareholders, and shareholders will be encouraged to be parents. And, because the centers will employ the very latest methods of technology-based training and entertainment-based information delivery, this fabulous new combination of activities will undoubtedly come to be known by some breakthrough new word blend, such as edbusfotainment. Or perhaps industrial-strength education. Or maybe blearning. I can't predict which, but whichever one it is, I'm covered, because I've trademarked all three.

What I can predict is that what I shall, for now, simply call the "Learning Workplace" of the future (at least until my copyright is granted) will bring together the family structure and the business organization in a way that will dramatically benefit both. Imagine a future in which children take as much interest in business as they do in schoolyard fads; a time in which they'll be as obsessed by financial instruments as they are by musical instruments or the instruments of destruction to be found in most video games. Imagine the dinner-table scene as brother and sister, mom and dad (or whatever configuration of youths and caregivers prevails in that particular household of the future) enthusiastically discuss such issues as currency exposure, mass customization, internet portals, and the true meaning of "business casual." It will be a world in which there exists no artificial boundaries between work and family, no disconnection between the "workplace self" and the "homeplace self." These children, in short, will get a remarkable headstart on the road to becoming the business leaders of tomorrow-our star corporate managers, top executives, and, if they are exceedingly lucky, world-class management consultants, such as myself.

Now, WHAT WILL BE THE LOOK AND FEEL OF these temples of business-cum-learning? Some Learning Workplaces (or maybe they should be Working Learnplaces?) will be created by refitting existing corporate facilities, such as downtown office buildings with less than 76 percent occupancy rates, suburban campuses vacated by downsized technology companies, shuttered former nuclear power plants, or idled auto manufacturing plants. Others will be created by converting existing educational facilities, including overcrowded elementary schools, abandoned parochial schools, and, of course, juvenile houses of detention with lead paint problems. This "re-purposing" not only will make for intriguing new spaces, it should also prove a boon to the property-development market, which is, of course, good for the economy as a whole.

Students will be transported to the Learning Workplace, not in dowdy yellow school buses, but in snappy black limousines, each equipped with a full suite of electronic learning and communications equipment, including cell phones, notebook computers/DVD players, and a satellite dish atop the roof of the limo for constant connectivity to the World Wide Web, as well as global telephonic access. The chauffeur will be an experienced business executiveeither a management consultant between engagements or a golden parachuter with more time on his hands than he can realistically fill with golf-who holds an MBA or whose last position was at least senior vice president in a Fortune 1000 company, or the equivalent of either. On the way to the Learning Workplace, the educator-chauffeur (eduffeur?, drivucator?) will provide a running commentary on any topics that may arise, as a method of honing the students' skills in situational analysis and scenario planning. Let us suppose, for example, that the classroom-on-wheels witnesses a twocar collision. The incident could be used as a trigger to discuss such concerns as automotive product liability and the limitations of managed care. If nothing of educational or business interest occurs during the ride, students will be expected to read the Wall Street Journal, the Economist, or a new publication that I am developing called Industrial Highlights for Children. Those who are, as yet, too young to read, will listen to motivational audiotapes, including Tom Peters' In Pursuit of Awesome! and Tony Robbins' Release Your Inner Adult!

ON ARRIVAL AT THE WORKING LEARNPLACE, our student-executives will plunge into a curriculum that brilliantly blends the operational with the educational:

Telecommunications theory:

The younger students begin with an overview of the basics, including Gaining Competitive Advantage with Voice Mail and Mute vs. Hold: How to Avoid Conference Call Espionage. Middle-school students cover ethical and behavioral issues, such as Etiquette and the Cell Phone: Should You Call from the Stall? Advanced students focus on the financial aspects of modern-day communications. For example, they will learn how to justify the purchase of an Iridium phone by using a mathematical formula that determines ROI as a result of air-miles traveled plus minutes talked, multiplied by perceived self-worth. I've used it myself, and now own seven Iridium phones, all unwittingly financed by clients.

Case-study approach to literature:

Rather than read books and stories as literature, student-executives (studcutives?) will study the classics-with close guidance from human resource professionals-to glean business learnings. For example, Shakespeare's play King Lear provides an excellent study of what happens when a chief executive fails to prepare an adequate succession plan. The Goosebumps series, with its interactive storylines, is highly useful in assessing outcomes of varying strategies. And Roald Dahl's Matilda is a brilliant portrayal of the disastrous consequences of sloppy customer service.

Essential jargon:

Children not only learn the definitions and appropriate usage of current business words and phrases, they learn to translate traditional school terms into acceptable Learning Workplace jargon.

Science and technology:

The curriculum will cover areas of technology of especial interest to executives and senior managers, including The Relative Status, Safety, and Performance of Fixed-Wing Corporate Aircraft vs. Jet Helicopters and Successful Keel Design in America's Cup Challenges (with Bill Koch as guest lecturer) and The Impact of Capturing the Round-the-World Balloon Record on Gross Profit Margin and Corporate Image (Richard Branson has agreed to appear on video from the command module of his newest balloon).

History:

There will be no courses in history at the Learning Workplace because there is no use for history in most American corporations. In fact, in business, it is unwise to discuss or analyze any past actions of the company or reference any former employees; no one wants to know. There is no yesterday in business and since tomorrow is always being created today, there is no future either. All that matters is now, and, of course, the weekend.

Metaphorical sports:

The workplace of the future will recognize that the most productive businesspeople are those who are physically, as well as commercially, challenged.

The physical-education program at the Learning Workplace, therefore, will be composed of sports and activities that can be metaphorically linked to business situations. Offerings include:

Entrepreneurial jousting. Students who plan a career in venture capital, Merger and Acquisition Law, or business start-ups, hone their skills by going one-onone with competitors armed with nothing more than a lance, a steed, and a lot of "gutz."

Executive cheerleading. Future executives who plan to work in cooperative, non-hierarchical, team-based environments don traditional cheerleading garb and practice gender-neutral jumps, baton twirls, and rhythmic chanting of motivational slogans. Coopetitional spelunking. Cave-exploration is not dissimilar to new product development-a group of diverse people groping their way forward in the dark. In one exercise, several teams are sent into a particularly deep and dark cave. The first team to emerge wins; the losing teams must remain in the dark until the next quarter.

Golf. Golf is a required course for every student in every quarter. In certain special cases-such as students who plan to run successful, family-owned companiesgolf can be selected as a major field of study. These students, however, must shoot 90 or under before being awarded a diploma

OF COURSE, THIS IS JUST THE BRIEFEST glimpse into the education-based workplace of tomorrow. I will close simply by saying that I have seen this future, and it works. My 14-year-old son, Stefan Michel Pierre Thomas, has been the beneficiary of the edbusfotainment concepts I have described, starting from age 2. Not only has he surpassed his contemporaries in all the essential skills, in his spare time he has founded two successful business ventures. The first is a web-based candy retailer, Stefan's Digital Sweets, which he started at the age of 7 and sold to Microsoft for $132 million at the age of 9; the second is a thriving junior-management consultancy firm, which specializes in providing strategy and dating advice to technology executives under the age of 20.

Stefan's experience demonstrates that, to see the workplace of tomorrow, you need look no further than the nursery school of today.

Stephen Michael Peter Thomas is the world's number one business guru, and author of The Book That's Sweeping America! Or Why I Love Business! (John Wiley and Sons, 1997). Thomas can be reached at 978-369-5251.

Copyright Association for Quality and Participation Mar/Apr 1999
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