Power writing - 21 rules

John B. Campbell

Maybe you still get a kick out of reading the elegant prose of a Thomas Hardy, as I do. But we both know that most magazine readers today expect a very different sort of prose. Hurried and distracted, they have little patience with a full, leisurely style-even at its best. They want writing that's simple and moves fast,

Producing that sort of writing can be hard work. it becomes easier once you get the "sound" of it in your head. The best way to capture that sound is to read regularly a magazine that you find easy and interesting to read. To echo that sound, though, it helps to know some rules. That's what this article is about.

Lest I mislead, this article is not about how to entertain readers. My experience is limited to the business press. The principles, however, apply to any kind of expository writing.

We're not blessed with an abundance of writers who know English well, and we might consider ourselves fortunate to be handed copy containing this graf:

"From the time we first learn to count to 10, numbers are a very important part of people's lives. So it's perhaps natural that writers feel comfortable in using numbers to communicate with readers. Unfortunately, many Writers do not make the most effective use of numbers."

It's not unclear. It's not especially labored. And it doesn't have much punch. Here's a rewrite:

"Soon after leaving the cradle, we learn to count. From then on, numbers are critical to much that we understand and do. It's not surprising that many writers use numbers to make contact with readers. Sadly, many writers use numbers poorly, "

The rewrite is shorter, and it has a different sound. It's still prosaic. But it's quite a bit easier to read. For what it's worth, RightWriter, a PC-based writing analyzer, gives the first graf a readability score of 8.99, which it calls "good. " it gives the rewrite a score of 5.96, which it calls "simple. "

If you were to sustain that "simple" level over the entire course of a long article, you might have trouble connecting some key ideas. But short of reaching that point, the simpler and punchier the copy, the more likely it is to be read.

Much of the advice in good writing manuals will help you get there. The 21 rules that follow come from my own experience in working with writers and with my own copy.

1 Write clearly

This is a big topic, and I won't treat it here. But next to accuracy, nothing is more important to readability than clarity. No special tricks can overcome poor organization, dangling modifiers, ambiguous demonstratives, inexact parallels or poor emphasis. When COpy is unclear, a reader has to slow down or retreat.

2 Be authoritative

Know what you're talking about. Then create the simple, strong statement that says it, If you can't do that, you're not ready to write. Do more thinking or more reporting, or both.

In the first example above, is it "perhaps" natural that writers feel that numbers communicate? Do we need research to find out? Or can we reach into ourselves, know it's true, and drop the "perhaps"?

That's an easy fix. The more common problem is insufficient reporting. "In what some experts believe to be the first expedition of its kind . . " is a very common construction. You can spend half a day on the phone before you're ready to write, "For the first time ever You may not be able to afford that time. But there's no question as to which is more readable.

3 Write the way you talk

Well, not exactly. But pretend you are face to face with your reader and want him to understand what you have to say. If you think that way, you will find it natural to use strong nouns and verbs, short sentences, and most of the other good things in this list of rules.

Corollary: Use the unstressed "you." Use the second person rather than the third to describe actions that your reader takes, might take or should take. Write "you may buy," "an organization may buy."

This may be the easiest single way to simplify your copy-provided your magazine allows it. Unless you're writing exhortations about self-improvement, however, avoid the stressed "you," as in "This is for you."

4 Use short grafs

Try not to exceed eight printed lines. If you exceed 12 lines, go back and rewrite. If you write, and love, a long graf of eight to 12 lines, follow it up immediately with one that's six lines or less.

Yes, all that is arbitrary. Pick your own numbers and then live by them.

Corollary: Vary graf length. A series of equal-size grafs looks deadly. If you see a sequence of three to four grafs of equal size, change at least one of them to a different length. Do that even if it means making that graf a bit longer than it was. Don't pad it; rethink it and its companions.

5 Use short sentences

Think one idea to a sentence. If you see a sentence that reaches two full 70-character lines on your screen, study that sentence, and its immediate neighbors, to see if you can find a way to shorten it. Do not shorten at the expense of clarity.

Corollary: Do not combine sentences. Avoid sentences consisting of two independent clauses joined by "and." Make an exception if the subject of the two clauses is the same and the second clause is very short-so short that you needn't repeat the subject for clarity.

For example, there's nothing tough about, "The airline said the plane would be ready to fly in five days, and the tour leader notified the group.

But this is punchier: "The airline said the plane would be ready to fly in five days. The tour leader notified the group."

And this I would leave alone: "The airline said the plane would be ready to fly in five days, and it was right. "

Corollary: Start with "And" or "Or." If you must connect two independent clauses very closely-for sense or for pace-use two sentences and start the second sentence with a conjunction. For example, "The airline said the plane would be ready to fly in five days. And it put on an extra maintenance crew to make sure."

This technique is "bad" English, but it can help produce clear, fast-read writing. It can also be an ugly crutch. Don't use it often in a story. You'll sound disorganized. If your logic is tight, you will find when you review your copy that you can often drop the conjunction entirely.

Corollary: Avoid the semicolon. Personally, I love the semicolon. But few people today know how to use it or read it properly. To a roving eye, a sentence divided with a semicolon looks like one long sentence. Change the semicolon to a period and start a new sentence.

You don't want to give up the semicolon? Then use it very carefully, as in the final sentence under point No. 4 above.

Use active construction

Use active voice everywhere you can. If avoiding passive voice would interfere with clarity, or would unduly obstruct flow, go ahead and use the passive. But don't fall back on these exceptions too often.

True, unrelieved active voice throughout a long piece can be tiresome. If you use passive only where it's needed, you will usually achieve a good balance. if you exceed an average of one passive construction for every four to five sentences, rewrite. In this article, up to this point, there are just five passive clauses.

Corollary: Identify the agent. Much passive construction occurs because the writer is timid or has done inadequate reporting. Assign action by a person to a person. Try to change "the vapors were allowed to escape into the air" to "the maintenance crew allowed the vapors to escape into the air."

It's often tougher when you're telling how a thing works. But "the computer pops up a window" is better than "a window is displayed."

7 Avoid long dependent clauses This is critical. Give the reader the primary statement fast-bang! You don't do that if you lead in with a long qualifying clause starting with "though," "because," "since," "while," etc. The last two are particularly troublesome because they can be used to denote either cause or time. It's no good tacking such clauses onto the end of a sentence either. That just destroys the force of the preceding clause. You interrupt the flow to the next idea.

An okay exception, if not overused, is the "if" lead-in. The word is unambiguous, and it produces tension. For example, "If its memory-chip supplier can deliver on time," he says, "Argus will meet its revenue goal. "

There's nothing wrong with a short lead-in, where the reader can easily latch on to the main clause. Thus: "Because of a chip shortage, Argus did not meet its revenue goal."

"If" aside, there are other options to relying on long dependent clauses:

* Report better. Many writers use long lead-in qualifiers to fuzz or soften the following clause. They do it because they are unsure about the validity of the main clause and want an "out." The result is timid writing. Thus: "Although some outsiders deny there's any connection, Argus says it failed only because of a chip shortage."

Fuller reporting might permit, "Argus failed [or did not fail] because of a chip shortage."

If the reporting can't be definitive, better thinking may help. If you substitute the word "claims" for "says" in the compound sentence above, you eliminate the need for the lead-in.

Have guts. Often, you should simply write with authority and forget the qualifiers. You are writing an article, not a book, And you are not a lawyer. There is no way you can cover all the ground or anticipate all of a reader's thoughts. In fact, your reader is paying a lot less attention than you are. Avoid the following: "While it's possible that insufficient management attention to growing marketing costs may have contributed, most observers believe that the chip shortage is what did Argus in."

* Plan your grafs. Despite the above, qualifiers are necessary in any article for intelligent readers. The key to punchy writing is to make the primary statement first, then qualify it. Rely on the juxtaposition of sentences to make the logical connection. For example, "The chip shortage did Argus in. But insufficient attention to growing marketing costs may have contributed."

You can expand that concept to paragraphs, as well. For example: "The chip shortage did Argus in. Supplies began to dwindle last August. By November, the company's product shipments were running at only half the planned level, and $12 million in 1989 revenues had been irretrievably lost.

"However, growing marketing costs may have contributed significantly to the debacle ...."

* Use signals. Set up the reader with short qualifiers. A word like mostly" or a phrase like "if not" may be all you need. if you do need more than that, such signals will at least help prepare a reader for the fuller qualifications to come. Thus: "Mostly it was the chip shortage that did Argus in."

A major caveat: When you put a qualifying statement after the primary statement, you will often start with "but" or "however." Don't let too many "but" sentences into your copy. And never write two "but" sentences in a row. That makes a reader's head swim. Rethink and rewrite.

8 Use simple words

Stop and question every long word you type. There's usually a shorter word, or a short phrase, that means the same thing. Choose the short in preference to the long. And choose the more familiar over the less familiar. Your eye will tell you which column below is the more readable.

extraneous              outside
widespread              wide
communicate             talk
download                capture
expensive               costly
inexpensive             cheap
accomplish              do
inappropriate           not right
facilitate              aid

Corollary: Don't substitute. When you find the right word, don't be afraid to keep using it. A synonym will probably be longer. And using a synonym impedes clarity.

Corollary: Use verbs, not verbal nouns. Write sentences so you can use the root verb, not the more complex noun formed from that root. You can recognize many of the rogues as words ending in "ion" or "ment" followed by "of." Do not write "The next step was the formation of . . . " but instead "The next step was to form

In the illustrative list below, note that one improvement may lead to another.

attachment      attach      add to, put on
organization    organize    set up
connection      connect     join
transmission    transmit    send
elimination     eliminate   drop, cut
conversion      convert     change, switch

9 Avoid noun phrases

Reword awkward noun phrases so you can use a verb. Do not write "agreement for the sale of' but instead "agreement to sell." Do not write "with the establishment of but instead "by establishing"-or better: "by setting up."

Corollary: Use prepositional phrases to add comprehension space. The previous two points-on verbal nouns and noun phrases weigh against the prepositional phrase starting with of" But properly used, a phrase beginning with "of," "in," "on," etc. can break up a hard-to-read string of nouns and adjectives. The equipment in the phone company's central office . . . " is easier to comprehend than "The phone company's central-office equipment . . . "

10 Use concrete words

Avoid abstractions and collective nouns where possible. "Paper, ribbons, and the like" is stronger-though in this case longer-than "supplies." Similarly, "the purchasing department" is stronger than "staff departments."

Corollary: Use the singular. The singular is more concrete than the plural. A singular noun or pronoun is an individual; a plural noun or pronoun is a class. Try to focus always on the individual person or thing. Changing plural to singular always strengthens copy.

Corollary: Use numbers. Nothing is more concrete than numbers. They lend credibility and they create images. Follow style as to written vs. Arabic. But Arabic numerals are more effective than numbers written out. If style calls for Arabic numerals for numbers of 10 and above, for example, try to get a number like 45 away from the beginning of a sentence so you can write it using numerals.

Don't be put off by the argument that numbers make a story seem too technical. Readers cope with, and look for, numbers every day. However, do use numbers appropriately. A number that is more precise than it needs to be, for example, does impede reading. For more on use of numbers, see Folio:, September 1989, page 108.)

11 Use examples

Concrete does not always mean short. Citing an example usually takes more space than sticking with a generality. But an example can add life and credibility that makes the reader's time well spent. Compare the following:

"According to Albert Puffpiece, marketing vice-president for Demystification, the company has conducted courses for both large and small companies. Among the larger customers are such giants as Xerox and AT&T "

"According to" is a weak start, and the graf doesn't get much better. Here's the difference an example makes:

"One ecstatic supporter is Joseph Workhard, a systems manager at XYZ Corp. in Memphis. Workhard used to work overtime figuring ways to shield PC users from the mysteries of DOS. Last fall he brought in Demystification to conduct a one-day, hands-on seminar on chkdsk, backup, and all the rest. 'Now our PC users aren't getting hung up so often,' says Workhard. 'I have more time for fishing.'"

12 Keep quotes short

Quotes, properly used, can help maintain a brisk pace. But there's nothing punchy about a long quoted graf, let alone a series of them. A short quote is a plus; a long quote is a minus.

Never quote more than two sentences at a time. If you do quote two sentences, sandwich the attribution between them. If the quotee put the matter so perfectly that you can't improve on it, drop the quotes and plagiarize him if need be.

Use quotes to add credibility, support, humanity, presence, variety or color. Do not use them to convey primary information. That defeats your aim in point No. 2: to speak with your own authority.

Corollary: Scatter quotes. Quotes lose impact if you use too many of them. And you can't maintain a line of thought in a reader's mind if you constantly interrupt yourself. It's tempting to squeeze in another good quote. Don't do it. (For more on use of quotes, see FOLIO:, July 1989, page 126.)

13 Don't overdevelop

Punchy writing quickly loses its allure if you write more of it than the reader needs. Be brutal with your notes. Make them serve you, not you them.

Decide what space an article is worth. Plan how you will use the space. Code your notes accordingly. Start making the tough decisions about the good stuff you won't use. If you find yourself writing too much on one point, stop. Rewrite and tighten. Or, if you now feel that the space limit is unrealistic, reconsider it with your boss or client.

Corollary: Don't oversupport. You're not in court, so don't prove a minor point too often. if you make a minor statement and use an incident, example or quote to support it, that's enough. Don't go on simply to get someone else's name in print or because you happen to have a lot of good reporting on that point.

14 Use tight transitions

If you organize your story well, if you write a good lead, and if you write copy that's tight and coherent, you don't need big transitions. Sometimes you don't need any at all. And sometimes little words or phrases like "Now," "So" and "If so" will do the trick.

In the earlier graf (point 7, page 127) about the chip shortage, for example, the second and third sentences clearly support the lead sentence, and there is no confusion about the point of the graf. That's why the next graf can start with "However." There's no need to write, "While the chip shortage was the main factor in Argus's failure, growing marketing costs..."

Corollary: Use demonstratives. If you write a sentence so the primary emphasis falls unambiguously on the right noun, you can speed up your copy-and avoid annoying repetition-by using "this," "that" or "they" in the following sentence. Don't carry such a noun reference over to the next graf, though.

Similarly, if you write a good graf that unambiguously expresses one idea, you can use "That idea," "That event," etc. to start the next graf.

15 Don't waste emphasis

The natural positions of emphasis are at the beginning and end of a sentence or paragraf. Don't waste these valuable positions on low-value text.

Compare, "If you need the speed, that's the way to go," Green says -with "If you need the speed, " says Green, "that's the way to go.

Corollary: Avoid statements Of existence. "There are seven companies that sell . . . " adds complexity and wastes the position of emphasis at the beginning of the sentence. Use "Seven companies sell . . . ." Or, if you need a pause, "In all, seven companies sell . . . " or something similar. The principle: Don't waste space, comprehension time, and a key position of emphasis on establishing that something exists or did at one time exist. Use the something as the subject of a clause instead.

16 Favor the affirmative

Despite the negatives used in this article, it's usually better to tell what is the case or what ought to be the case in preference to what is not the case or what ought not to be the case. Positive writing is stronger than negative writing. "Shut the door" is stronger than "Don't leave the door open."

Corollary: Avoid double negatives. Nothing is less bright or less clear or comprehensible than such expressions as "not inappropriate" and "not inconsiderable."

17 Use parallel construction

If you can legitimately present ideas in parallel, do it and do it precisely. That way, you don't force the reader to deal with unnecessary changes in syntax. Compare, "Cost-cutting was aggressive. Product managers adopted cheaper designs. There were major cutbacks in T&E budgets. And many employees were forced to take early retirement." with "Cost cutting was aggressive. The company adopted cheaper designs, slashed T&E budgets, and forced many employees into early retirement."

Corollary: Use visible lists. Use bullets or numbers, aligned under one another, to start parallel ideas that require full sentences or full paragraphs to develop. Use a lead-in for each item that summarizes the idea, and then emphasize the lead-in with caps, italic or boldface. You should make sure that there is no ambiguity about where a new point starts or where the list ends.

18 Bury dull lists

If you have to present a list of short items in text, don't let it interrupt a sentence or a graf. Put it at the end of a sentence. And if possible, put that sentence at the end of the graf. This kills the end of the graf, which is usually a bad idea. But if the reader's eyes glaze over while perusing your list, he'll never read the end of the graf anyway.

Also, make sure the reader knows a list is coming. Not " . . . [long list of companies] were approved for membership," but instead "Approved for membership: ... [long list of companies]."

19 Minimize parentheses

The fewer parens the better. If you use them, keep them short-if possible, a maximum of two to three words. Don't use parens for a complex exception or other type of qualification. Rework such an idea into a follow-on sentence or develop it as a follow-on graf. To introduce a follow-on qualification, use such signals as "That does not apply . . . " or "By 'good quality,' Stevens means .... "

20 Ration hedges and emphatics

A hedge is a word or phrase like usually, often, perhaps, virtually, to a certain extent, for the most part, etc. A hedge helps when it substitutes for a wordy qualification that would slow down the story. When you use hedges too often, though, they make your copy flabby.

You can sometimes drop a hedge by thinking harder about why the hedge is there. If you're lucky, you may be able to say "when not drunk" instead of "usually." Or you may decide that your desire to cover yourself was obsessive.

An emphatic is a word or phrase like certainly, obviously, clearly, undoubtedly, essential, fundamental, basic, the fact is, etc. An intensifier helps when it slows down the reader and make him pays more attention to a key word or statement. The danger is that, used too often, intensifiers make your copy sound defensive, or just wordy.

21 Avoid useless words

Some words and phrases just don't mean much. Good examples are "generally" and "to all intents and purposes." Other phrases are verbose or redundant. Near the top of a long list I would put the following: period of time, completely finish, end result, consensus of opinion, along the lines of, as of that time, on the part of. Like the characters on Ko-Ko's list, they'd none of 'em be missed.

John B. Campbell is a magazine editorial consultant. He bas been editorial director, Hearst Business Publishing Group, and is a former senior editor of Business Week.

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