Smells of a soapbox

SMELLS OF A SOAPBOX

What a heck of a way to celebrate my 30th anniversary in the computer industry. Almost everything I've been reading this year is bad news. It's enough to make me think that I should have pursued a more noble profession such as lawyer, banker, accountant, or maybe even a rock star. If it sounds like I'm about to get on a soapbox, have no fear. I can't find a sturdy enough soapbox to support me. They're all made out of cardboard. In reality, a soapbox is the worst thing a speaker could stand on.

Similar myths exist in the computer industry. Take a look at some popular misconceptions:

If price/performance in computer hardware applied to the automobile industry, a Rolls Royce would sell for $3.98 today. Tell that to the CEO who authorizes the MIS director's annual budget increases for hardware. And in terms of performance, the CEO's perception (right or wrong) is that the MIS shop is in a class with the Yugo.

By 19 (pick your own decade), we will be living in a checkless and cashless society. Ask bank MIS directors why check processing volumes increase each year. And the last time I was in Washington, I noticed the Bureau of Engraving was still frisking employees at quitting time.

Fourth-generating languages will reduce the need for programmers. I wonder why Adapso is sponsoring Success 2000, and why there is a need to get more students into computer-related careers.

We're migrating to a lights-out computer room environment. This is only because the maintenance department failed to repalce a burned out fluorescent lamp.

Artificial Intelligence will solve problems that traditional resources couldn't. I don't believe hospitals have been inundated with new surgical procedures for cerebral excisions. So for now, I would rely on the real thing. Keep your own brain and use it often.

Invest your money in a quality growth stock like IBM and you'll retire at age 50. Several IBM employees retired at age 50, but it wasn't because they were rich with IBM stock. And it wasn't a layoff either, because we all know IBM doesn't lay off.

Computers can reduce the need for clerical employees. But they create the need for technicians who cost three times as much as a clerk, require systems software that thas nothing to do with the tasks of user departments and run out of computer power faster than one can say such esoteric phrases like Systems Application Architecture.

Our country is becoming a service-oriented economy with emphasis on high technology. I wish the financial editors would believe that and report something positive regarding sales and earnings in hardware, software and service companies in the computer industry.

Research reports from Silicon Valley show that systems integration is the burgeoning segment of the computer industry. If you repackage existing businesses and rename them, first year results will be impressive. But the real impact will be measured by netting out hardware, software and professional services revenues, which previously were reported by subcontractors. The net effect is the prime contractor's fee and that's the new number. Is that going to burgeon?

The mainframe is becoming a dinosaur. And the PC is like a Mazda Miata--appealing, cost-effective, personal, modern and selling like crazy. Just don't try hauling a big load in it.

Consultants look wonderful during the selling phase. They have impressive credentials, great charts and the ability to bring large numbers of people to the task. One wonders why internal MIS staff can't cut it. But clients soon discover that consultants put on their pants or pantyhose one leg at a time also, and that the magic somehow got lost between the selling phase and the doing phase.

There's no doubt that our industry has much to boast about. However, we might have lost our perspective and perhaps we got wrapped up in the technology as opposed to the benefits.

In my own case, in 1989 I had cause to reminisce about my first exposure to computing as a second lieutenant at SAC Headquarters.

The computer in 1959 was an IBM 650. The language was very close to machine. Today, I could do the same thing with a PC and Lotus 1-2-3.

I also remember our prime strategic weapon, the B-52. Recently I read about the third test flight of our new Stealth Bomber, but a call to the Pentagon revealed that our primary strategic bomber is still the B-52.

If we take a more pedestrian approach to computing, we may encounter success that rewards our customers and, in turn, ourselves. To get back to my soap analogy, I hear about products that smell nice, moisturize, make you look younger, deodorize, float and even wake you up in the morning. But do the darn things clean? that's basically what I want in a bar of soap.

I suggest that in the computer industry we should still focus on computing and processing, but at a cost that's lower than other alternatives. I pose this question to those in positions of MIS power. Are you cleaning up the messes of information handling, or are you basking in the sweet fragrance of technology?

Gillis is an independent consultant and president of Computer Based Solutions, Inc., a management consulting firm based in New Orleans. He is also a noted author and speaker.

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